Where is my future?

9:21am.
Suppose to finish biomedical topic 7 notes. (signal processing)
I never expect that I'll end up like this, studying something that I never am going to study.

But now, I ended up in front of the computer. Wondering. The more I study, the more I hesitate, the more I regret, the more I lose my confidence and target.

It's already the end of Dec. What I actually do want? That day, my brother ask me, what he should need to prepare if he wants to go US or UK to study? Feel so sorry that time when I told him, there's no way to go US or UK, Singapore or China are the only choices for him. Ya, its cruel to disappoint his dream, but, I just don't want him to get disappointed, like what I experienced before. The Manchester dream.

If I stay in HK, I need to decide my major by this year end. Electrical or biomedical? I really have no idea. Electrical is like a dead subject for me, totally no feeling at all. Biomedical, yes its fun. But it just doesn't sound firm to me.

All my friends decide to take Industrial. As its the easiest pathway. I'm wondering, if next year they'll be in the same class, they'll get more and more familiar, abandoning me aside. This though really makes me feel down, and this leads me to get away from here. As far as possible.

Numb again. As I know Zoe get into Perdana. Maybe envy her. And just now, when I opened fb. The first post is from you. Goodbye is a hard thing to say. You posted this. This reminds me that you're going to Australia next year. Everybody gets in their dream pathway, then where is mine?

Feel so helpless. Tears full in my eyes. But not enough to let me cry.

I'm 19 years old. I don't have any dream. I'm just a coward to make any changes. I don't even ask for studying pharmacy in UK again, as I've wasted 50k HKD in this 3 months. Really hope that there are some changes in my life. A better way...

There's no use to struggle now. Need to go back to biomed notes. Too many to finish. Bye.

Drunker

Don't understand why guys like to drink a lot... Is it that fun??? Sometimes I think those who don't drink are far more attractive than a drunker...

The road not taken

3rd week ends. Everything seems smooth, except studies.

My dad encourage me to apply for medicine in IMU. He wants me to have no regrets in my life. Well, here comes again. The situation is getting worse and worse. I had already settled everything in HK now. But I haven't paid my tuition fees and accommodation fees. Means I still can run away from here. But should I??

There're a few points to consider:

1.  Yes. I'll miss here, if you ask me to leave now. I still haven't give myself a try. I still have the hope that    
     maybe, just maybe, I can shift to other faculty. Although the percentage is almost 0.

2.  Life is boring here. But there're still surprises in my everyday life. And I enjoyed it much.

3.  I don't have any closed friend here, but I have a gang of people to joke and play with. Even I don't need    
    to produce any sound, their actions will still make me laugh crazily.

4.  I don't enjoy math and EEE. But everyone here also doesn't enjoy it. So do I have the right to use this as a
     reason to quit?

5.  I can't pay attention in class or more to I can't catch up my class. But they are worse. They dozed off in
     class.

6.  I can't see my future. But something invisible try to pull me back, tying myself with HKU. I'm not willing
     and do not have the power to quit.

7.  I don't like you. But I enjoyed chatting with you although its always so  miserable.

8.  I hate my life here. Life sucks. But yet I enjoyed every piece of damn memories here.

So friend, what am I suppose to do? Quit or continue for a non-future and meaningless life here? Can someone give me any suggestions???

Haix~~~

Down

I dunno why I'm so down tonight. After coming back from library. Obviously, forcing myself to go library doesn't help. I'm just me. An ordinary not-so-hardworking student. Why am I suppose to force myself to become one of THEM???

Life starts to suck here. Lecturers expect us to know everything. But in fact, I know nothing. Every floor mates seem to studying in library (except my room mate who is skyping with his boyfriend now xD). I dunno why I've nothing to do. Or I should say I have no mood to do anything now, even room visiting.

After being "abandoned" by my senior, who's been scolded by me =P, I was staring at my super duper thick math book. 5min, 10min, 20min, 1 hour... I've done nothing. Numb. What I was thinking is, why am I doing something I don't like? Where's my future? What is my plan??? I have no idea. I'm lost... Totally lost. So I just closed up my book and pacing slowly back to my hall. SLOWLY. Until everyone turn back with their weird facial expression staring at me. I look up into the dark sky. Almost full moon. I should feel relieve. but I wasn't.

Back to my room. I didn't take off my shoes and went straight to  my bed. Lying there without the sense of timing. I feel like crying. My senior called. I told him  my damn situation. And what he said was, walao how can you emo for such a long time??? You should have use that time for studying!!! Damn, again...

Another senior is nicer. He comforted me for the first time. (He complaint that I wear like a typical mainland student...  Oh pls, he's not wearing smart today also... zzz) Haix... Life sucks. What should I do? Change course??? Go back to Malaysia??? Or struggle here with no strong reasons???

What the hell... (I like to say this nowadays...) What kinda University this is...

Damn. Good night. =(

High Table Dinner

Supposed today should be a formal and something that should be grateful of--- The High Table Dinner. Erm... but things doesn't went as smoothly as I thought.

Thanks to Jeff, I was nearly late for this event due to his Lunch plan. I nearly tear off my dress when I changed it in a hurry. Oh ya, my room mate slept till 2pm today. How amazing she was... And when I was making myself up she was on the phone so loudly. I was like wanna explode at that time.

3:30pm. We arrived at Loke Yew hall. Unexpected we can chose our gruop mates by ourselves. We were divided into small groups and being placed in different classroom. Two guest are being invited for giving us a talk and of them has vision problem. Erm... It was quite boring and damn cold there. Oh ya, my group leader was a handsome HKese. Likable xD

Finally, at 6:00pm, we went into the dining hall, with long dining tables. Just like what we saw in Harry Potter. we're given a green robe again and everything looks romantic and traditional. With candles along the dining tables. The only seat left (ya right I went in late again zzz) was beside my leader!!!! Cheers!!! Eating with leng zai was the greatest moment tonight xD xD xD

The dishes were still okay but the main course sucks. The chicken was as hard as a stone. I cut it till my fingers were trembling. And I keep make the noise out with my knife and plate. zzz

Nothing special. Just that Elyn went in the boys toilet for seeking Ming Xun while he's already gone home alone. zzz

Well that's all. Actually I'm quite lazy to update. Nights. =) \

Life starts here...

This is my first orientation. Well, I arrived at the hall 15min earlier but its full. So I ended up sitting in a small classroom nearby and watch broadcast. Oh my... As usual, the so-called orientation is all about speach and talks. I was day-dreaming while my new engineering friend (a boy from Malaysia) was sleeping beside me. While Tze ee seems like dozed off from his back view. xD

After this, we have parallel session for overseas students. I've met a lot of Korean, Indonesian students and non of those 40 Korean students smoke. Wondering why I met a room mate who smokes... =( Oh ya, there's total up 22 Malaysian students there and of course, many more Mainland students. (They never called themselves as China students.) I was like kept repeating say hi, I'm Jer Wei from Malaysia, in Engineering faculty and blah blah blah over N times. We kept exchanged hp no but seriously, I dunno which is who's. And I just don't remember their names... Too many of them.

Game session was boring and lame. Bingo and cheering self-created logos. Lame. Our group won none of these. After this lame session, everything ends. So we, the Malaysians hang out again down the hill. We ate dan tart and mees AGAIN. I felt like vomiting.. Urgh... Everyday mees...

On the way back home with Tze Ee, we met a boy with camera. He asked Tze Ee to help him to take a picture. Well Tze Ee can't snap it correctly so he passed to me. And he told me that he's not a student here but just came for a trip from Mainland. And he suddenly asked me for a photo with him 0.o. That's shocking. But what startled me a lot is, he said I'm a pretty girl from Malaysia and must take a picture with me. And said "You're so beautiful." 0.o I'm not vain but I felt very weird because I know I'm not pretty and well, maybe I'm too cautious of him. Haix.

Okay. Talk something about my room mate. I think I'm so bad because I keep spreading that my room mate is a smoker. My floor tutor just gave me a call and told me that I can changed my room to the opposite side. But I don't want. I like it here. The sea view is so nice just that the fan isn't working and she's smoking. Duh... If I changed there then maybe my room mate is  a Nepal. What should I do? haix~

So-called HK Life...

Just settled everything down yesterday and my parents left me alone yesterday night. It was a long sad night. Thanks to Xin Yi and Wen Huey's letter, I cried. Well, friends I really missed you all so so much... =(

I'm living in a twinned room and my room mate haven't moved in yet. S o I'm totally alone right now. Tze Ee is in another hall and I think he makes friend quite well =). So here's my room view.

                                                                            Before:

                                   After:

                                                                                Nice? =)

Aww... my comfort bed xD

View from my window...

My desk and shelves with white board xD

I chose my bed near the window instead of doorside xD

Well, I woke up at 7am today and realize it was too early for the inaugural ceremony (first official ceremony for freshman).  I ended up online and washing my clothes (damn forgot to take it inside... wait a min ya, I go take it inside first xD) Okay, continue... I arrived at the venue one hour earlier but it seems I'm late compared with those Mainland students. The queue is as long as you're buying Jay's concert ticket... xD And I ended up standing under the summer sun. Damn hot. Luckily I met a pretty girl who's 2 years smaller than me, from faculty of medicine. Listen carefully, 2YEARS SMALLER THAN ME STUDYING MEDICINE WHILE I'M JUST A FIRST YEAR ENGINEERING STUDENT!!! What the... so unfair. =( And she's so pretty...

Well, that doesn't bother me much actually xD. After many long speeches, finally I get to wore my green robe for the first time. (Picture at Ming Xun's place) After that we have faculty tea reception. And this is the worst among the worst. Engineering faculty has almost 90% of boys, that's really unexpected compared to engineering in Malaysia. Of course there's quite a lot of leng zai but I will never get close to them. =( Why? First, they already had their own gang. Either speaking in Beijing ascent or in Cantonese. I can't intrude their strong connections. =( Second, I can't really mix with boys... =( First time in life I understand the definition of being LONELY. But luckily I met a group of students from Malaysia. Oh my, its been along time for me not to speak Manglish... They're nice to me and I really appreciate it. =)

Afternoon, I sms everyone I know for dinner but they already have a date. Again I locked myself up in my room watching Taiwan Drama. Nice =) Finally at dinner time, when I decided to have a trip around HKU with some nice picture back, Ming Xun called me for dinner. Haha. I met a pretty girl from Taiwan and a boy from Johor. They're really nice person to spend time with but I dunno when will we meet again. As you know, its pretty hard to meet the same people in University often.

My legs are swelling now. Probably can't walk tomorrow. Btw, my room mate is moving in tomorrow so I'll update again k? =)

Good Night.