I don't know wtf is going on in my life now.
I don't know what the heck am I doing.
But I know exactly what the heck I am doing right know.
But I don't know why on earth I am doing this.
And also I don't know why on earth things will become like this.
I don't know why the heck my mood is so not good these days.
But actually I do know why the heck I am behaving like this.
I just don't wanna admit that shit happens.
I just wanna avoid.
No I don't.
I say I DON'T.
And I mean it.
FOCUS ON YOUR EXAMS PLEASE DUDE.
“We are like a snowflake, all different in our own beautiful way.”
30 March 2014
28 March 2014
Learn to Be Nice Girl
Sorry. I showed my attitude again today. After such a long time.
Urgh... I shouldn't have just left angrily even though I WAS REALLY ANGRY when the guys lied to me.
I should have just smile back to them, politely.
And hid all my anger.
Okay I PROMISE this will be the last last time.
No more attitude girl!
Play nice. Be nice. Even if others are not nice to you.
Don't you ever behave like a bitch again!
=(
My mood is bad for the whole day.
Not because you guys pissed me off.
Its just because I'm so pissed at myself for my outrage once again.
I thought I've changed.
But I didn't. At all...
Urgh... I shouldn't have just left angrily even though I WAS REALLY ANGRY when the guys lied to me.
I should have just smile back to them, politely.
And hid all my anger.
Okay I PROMISE this will be the last last time.
No more attitude girl!
Play nice. Be nice. Even if others are not nice to you.
Don't you ever behave like a bitch again!
=(
My mood is bad for the whole day.
Not because you guys pissed me off.
Its just because I'm so pissed at myself for my outrage once again.
I thought I've changed.
But I didn't. At all...
Insecure
Its almost the end of this semester.
And now when I look back, I really did spend most of my time for my Pharmacy friends.
I hang out with them, crazy with them, and they fill my life with lots of laughter and joys.
But I just feel that there's always a barrier between us.
I can joke but I know the limit. I can share my stuffs but AGAIN, I know the limit.
There's always a line for what I can and cannot do.
I'm kinda diverge from MSL already. Even with the juniors.
Until just now one of my whom I consider as family member suddenly come and chat to me in FB.
Then I realize I didn't talk much to him in this semester and he's moving away from PGP next sem.
Well I suddenly feel sad and insecure.
I'm afraid that I invested my time in the wrong group of people again.
I don't know. This feeling is very weird.
Ya, my Pharm friends gave me a lot of laughter but there's always a distance.
And when I turn back to MSL, I feel family love. I feel secure.
I don't know what I'm doing in this semester.
Its a total mess. Like I dunno where I had spent my time on.
Even for some of my best friends, I dunno why but I have a feeling that they don't really take me as best friend.
But ya, I have to admit that I am really not a good friend.
Really hope this insecure feeling will disappear soon.
I don't wanna lose any of my friends but I don't know where I should focus on.
BUT ya, obviously I'll focus on MSL.
Sorry MSL. I was lost for a period of time.
But I'm back. I'll cut down my focus and time on my Pharm friends.
Once a MSL, forever a MSL...
=)
And now when I look back, I really did spend most of my time for my Pharmacy friends.
I hang out with them, crazy with them, and they fill my life with lots of laughter and joys.
But I just feel that there's always a barrier between us.
I can joke but I know the limit. I can share my stuffs but AGAIN, I know the limit.
There's always a line for what I can and cannot do.
I'm kinda diverge from MSL already. Even with the juniors.
Until just now one of my whom I consider as family member suddenly come and chat to me in FB.
Then I realize I didn't talk much to him in this semester and he's moving away from PGP next sem.
Well I suddenly feel sad and insecure.
I'm afraid that I invested my time in the wrong group of people again.
I don't know. This feeling is very weird.
Ya, my Pharm friends gave me a lot of laughter but there's always a distance.
And when I turn back to MSL, I feel family love. I feel secure.
I don't know what I'm doing in this semester.
Its a total mess. Like I dunno where I had spent my time on.
Even for some of my best friends, I dunno why but I have a feeling that they don't really take me as best friend.
But ya, I have to admit that I am really not a good friend.
Really hope this insecure feeling will disappear soon.
I don't wanna lose any of my friends but I don't know where I should focus on.
BUT ya, obviously I'll focus on MSL.
Sorry MSL. I was lost for a period of time.
But I'm back. I'll cut down my focus and time on my Pharm friends.
Once a MSL, forever a MSL...
=)
27 March 2014
寻找失去已久的自信
在这顶尖的大学里，优秀的人多得是。
在这里生活久了，也早已忘了，自己拥有的从来没少过。
忘了，自己是有多么的幸运。
我好歹也是我爸养了二十年的千金
我知道我不是很美，
但我有高度 有身材（如果可以减肥的话）
我虽然歌声不好
但我曾经也是华乐的
也曾表演过笛子
我虽然不是赛跑冠军
但我曾经是排球校队
羽球篮球游泳跳高
我也不逊色啊
虽然舞姿不是很美
但我曾是舞蹈团团长（说来也好笑）
至少我记舞步快
至少我的动作是谐和的
我虽然会感情用事
可我的领导能力也不算差
重小就当班长学长
编剧导演摄影师通通都当过
我画画不是很好
可是靠 我这个没学过画画的 也能年年的美术科都得甲
我只是没有机会学而已好吗
我的毛笔也写得不错
从小开始我的创意能力也是一路被称赞的好吗
至于学业 是啦不知道为什么来这里的成绩会这样
可我曾去过港大
还拿过 first class 的成绩
还有
我会下橱会烹饪
做点心烤蛋糕也难不倒我
靠 上次是谁说我们没一个女生进得厅堂 入得厨房的啊？
这样算来
我的条件也不算差啊
为什么来到这里
我的自信一直往下跌
被一个又一个的美女
逼得自己躲起来哭泣
或许 这里的人就是肤浅吧
有外貌有钱＝条件好
好吧 我承认
我也是个外貌协会
可当你自卑得觉得人人都比你好时
你难道也不会这样？
哇 写完了
信心好像也回来了
是啊 原来
我是多么的幸运
=)
在这里生活久了，也早已忘了，自己拥有的从来没少过。
忘了，自己是有多么的幸运。
我好歹也是我爸养了二十年的千金
我知道我不是很美，
但我有高度 有身材（如果可以减肥的话）
我虽然歌声不好
但我曾经也是华乐的
也曾表演过笛子
我虽然不是赛跑冠军
但我曾经是排球校队
羽球篮球游泳跳高
我也不逊色啊
虽然舞姿不是很美
但我曾是舞蹈团团长（说来也好笑）
至少我记舞步快
至少我的动作是谐和的
我虽然会感情用事
可我的领导能力也不算差
重小就当班长学长
编剧导演摄影师通通都当过
我画画不是很好
可是靠 我这个没学过画画的 也能年年的美术科都得甲
我只是没有机会学而已好吗
我的毛笔也写得不错
从小开始我的创意能力也是一路被称赞的好吗
至于学业 是啦不知道为什么来这里的成绩会这样
可我曾去过港大
还拿过 first class 的成绩
还有
我会下橱会烹饪
做点心烤蛋糕也难不倒我
靠 上次是谁说我们没一个女生进得厅堂 入得厨房的啊？
这样算来
我的条件也不算差啊
为什么来到这里
我的自信一直往下跌
被一个又一个的美女
逼得自己躲起来哭泣
或许 这里的人就是肤浅吧
有外貌有钱＝条件好
好吧 我承认
我也是个外貌协会
可当你自卑得觉得人人都比你好时
你难道也不会这样？
哇 写完了
信心好像也回来了
是啊 原来
我是多么的幸运
=)
23 March 2014
I Don't Feel Okay
I don't feel okay.
I know I'm not okay.
For the first time I'm not attending your performance.
I have to admit that I do care. A bit.
Although how much I pretended.
Although how much I wish I don't.
---
I don't feel okay.
I know something isn't right between us.
I know this is not the right way.
I wanna pull myself out.
I tried hard.
I tried.
---
I don't feel okay.
I know that feeling is missing.
When I didn't think nor mention about you for days.
This feeling isn't really right.
I think I'll forget about you.
Sooner or later.
Or I already did.
---
I don't feel okay.
I don't feel secure.
I hope I can hid myself up.
I wanna be a loner.
Because I am always a loser.
I don't feel okay...
I know I'm not okay.
For the first time I'm not attending your performance.
I have to admit that I do care. A bit.
Although how much I pretended.
Although how much I wish I don't.
---
I don't feel okay.
I know something isn't right between us.
I know this is not the right way.
I wanna pull myself out.
I tried hard.
I tried.
---
I don't feel okay.
I know that feeling is missing.
When I didn't think nor mention about you for days.
This feeling isn't really right.
I think I'll forget about you.
Sooner or later.
Or I already did.
---
I don't feel okay.
I don't feel secure.
I hope I can hid myself up.
I wanna be a loner.
Because I am always a loser.
I don't feel okay...
17 March 2014
16 March 2014
13 March 2014
How I Become More Happy in this Sem
I think I managed my mood quite well in this semester. haha So I'm just gonna jot down the top 5 things for me to be emo and top 5 things to cheer me up.
Top 5 Most Emo Things:
5) When I'm not being cared of.
4) When you ignored me. =(
3) When I heard two people's name. It is just damn annoying and when people keep siding him or her. Or I am in a chat with others and they just randomly mix in. Just SHUT UP and GET LOST.
2) When I did badly in whatever exams.
1) Meet that gang of suckers whenever and wherever it is. This just make my mood very very bad and I can even cry out. DAMN. Can you people just disappear in front of me???
BUT, I do have my Top 5 Most Happy Things to cheer me up when I'm emo or down:
5) Watch any random show or movie.
4) Sleep. Well this is very efficient as whenever I wake up I'll feel that all those emo-ness were like decades ago.
3) Eating sweet stuffs like ice cream or bubble milk tea.
2) Your charming smile. And of course, you are the one who smiles to me first... =)
1) Chatting with you. I dunno why but only your super duper powerful POSITIVE energy can flow into my mind. I can be cheered easily whenever I chat with you.
No wonder my life is so great. I just have to chose the right ones to mix with. The right ones that care about me and give positive energy to my life. =)
Top 5 Most Emo Things:
5) When I'm not being cared of.
4) When you ignored me. =(
3) When I heard two people's name. It is just damn annoying and when people keep siding him or her. Or I am in a chat with others and they just randomly mix in. Just SHUT UP and GET LOST.
2) When I did badly in whatever exams.
1) Meet that gang of suckers whenever and wherever it is. This just make my mood very very bad and I can even cry out. DAMN. Can you people just disappear in front of me???
BUT, I do have my Top 5 Most Happy Things to cheer me up when I'm emo or down:
5) Watch any random show or movie.
4) Sleep. Well this is very efficient as whenever I wake up I'll feel that all those emo-ness were like decades ago.
3) Eating sweet stuffs like ice cream or bubble milk tea.
2) Your charming smile. And of course, you are the one who smiles to me first... =)
1) Chatting with you. I dunno why but only your super duper powerful POSITIVE energy can flow into my mind. I can be cheered easily whenever I chat with you.
No wonder my life is so great. I just have to chose the right ones to mix with. The right ones that care about me and give positive energy to my life. =)
09 March 2014
I'm Gigantic and FAT =(
Went for a station game event today.
I was so shocked when I saw myself in the photos uploaded.
WTF are these???
Why do I look so fat and gigantic in these photos???
I looked fine in front view but WTF is wrong with my back view???
Even the tough muscular guy beside me looks thinner than me!!!
WTF I thought I lost 2 kg already? Why do I look even fatter and muscular than last sem?
Oh gosh I REALLY, SERIOUSLY need to work something on this!!!
I can't just let it be!
OH GOSH
I AM FAT =(
I was so shocked when I saw myself in the photos uploaded.
WTF are these???
Why do I look so fat and gigantic in these photos???
I looked fine in front view but WTF is wrong with my back view???
Even the tough muscular guy beside me looks thinner than me!!!
WTF I thought I lost 2 kg already? Why do I look even fatter and muscular than last sem?
Oh gosh I REALLY, SERIOUSLY need to work something on this!!!
I can't just let it be!
OH GOSH
I AM FAT =(
05 March 2014
02 March 2014
对不起
我从来不知道
原来喜欢一个人
需要付上那么大的代价
只为了喜欢一个人
可以得罪这么多朋友
可以伤害那么多人
可以让这么多人不爽我
可以让自己迷失到这样的境界
而我
却在整整两年后
才恍然大悟
我失去的
竟是这么多
年少轻狂
做什么 说什么
从来都不需要经过大脑
只希望别人照着自己的剧本走
却不知 自己是多么的自私
多么的冷血
多么的 非人哉
一直都没有觉得自己有错
一直都觉得错的是你
直到此刻
才知道自己是多么的无知
多么的不成熟
对于我所伤害过的人
如果可以
我真的很想真诚的向你们道歉
可是如今谁都不敢踩到这个地雷
所以 我还是不要去说什么好了
只是想让你们知道
对不起 真的很抱歉
我真的对自己的行为感到很失望
很失望
失去的
也失去了
我发誓
在自己能改变之前
我绝对绝对不会再喜欢上任何人
还有那个你
很开心你找到了一帮好友
我不知道为什么之前我可以对你如此残忍
对于你 我真的是无脸相对
我愿意默默地承受所有的报应
对不起
对不起
对不起
请不要原谅我
我根本不值得原谅
原来喜欢一个人
需要付上那么大的代价
只为了喜欢一个人
可以得罪这么多朋友
可以伤害那么多人
可以让这么多人不爽我
可以让自己迷失到这样的境界
而我
却在整整两年后
才恍然大悟
我失去的
竟是这么多
年少轻狂
做什么 说什么
从来都不需要经过大脑
只希望别人照着自己的剧本走
却不知 自己是多么的自私
多么的冷血
多么的 非人哉
一直都没有觉得自己有错
一直都觉得错的是你
直到此刻
才知道自己是多么的无知
多么的不成熟
对于我所伤害过的人
如果可以
我真的很想真诚的向你们道歉
可是如今谁都不敢踩到这个地雷
所以 我还是不要去说什么好了
只是想让你们知道
对不起 真的很抱歉
我真的对自己的行为感到很失望
很失望
失去的
也失去了
我发誓
在自己能改变之前
我绝对绝对不会再喜欢上任何人
还有那个你
很开心你找到了一帮好友
我不知道为什么之前我可以对你如此残忍
对于你 我真的是无脸相对
我愿意默默地承受所有的报应
对不起
对不起
对不起
请不要原谅我
我根本不值得原谅
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