Where is my future?

9:21am.
Suppose to finish biomedical topic 7 notes. (signal processing)
I never expect that I'll end up like this, studying something that I never am going to study.

But now, I ended up in front of the computer. Wondering. The more I study, the more I hesitate, the more I regret, the more I lose my confidence and target.

It's already the end of Dec. What I actually do want? That day, my brother ask me, what he should need to prepare if he wants to go US or UK to study? Feel so sorry that time when I told him, there's no way to go US or UK, Singapore or China are the only choices for him. Ya, its cruel to disappoint his dream, but, I just don't want him to get disappointed, like what I experienced before. The Manchester dream.

If I stay in HK, I need to decide my major by this year end. Electrical or biomedical? I really have no idea. Electrical is like a dead subject for me, totally no feeling at all. Biomedical, yes its fun. But it just doesn't sound firm to me.

All my friends decide to take Industrial. As its the easiest pathway. I'm wondering, if next year they'll be in the same class, they'll get more and more familiar, abandoning me aside. This though really makes me feel down, and this leads me to get away from here. As far as possible.

Numb again. As I know Zoe get into Perdana. Maybe envy her. And just now, when I opened fb. The first post is from you. Goodbye is a hard thing to say. You posted this. This reminds me that you're going to Australia next year. Everybody gets in their dream pathway, then where is mine?

Feel so helpless. Tears full in my eyes. But not enough to let me cry.

I'm 19 years old. I don't have any dream. I'm just a coward to make any changes. I don't even ask for studying pharmacy in UK again, as I've wasted 50k HKD in this 3 months. Really hope that there are some changes in my life. A better way...

There's no use to struggle now. Need to go back to biomed notes. Too many to finish. Bye.