Down

I dunno why I'm so down tonight. After coming back from library. Obviously, forcing myself to go library doesn't help. I'm just me. An ordinary not-so-hardworking student. Why am I suppose to force myself to become one of THEM???

Life starts to suck here. Lecturers expect us to know everything. But in fact, I know nothing. Every floor mates seem to studying in library (except my room mate who is skyping with his boyfriend now xD). I dunno why I've nothing to do. Or I should say I have no mood to do anything now, even room visiting.

After being "abandoned" by my senior, who's been scolded by me =P, I was staring at my super duper thick math book. 5min, 10min, 20min, 1 hour... I've done nothing. Numb. What I was thinking is, why am I doing something I don't like? Where's my future? What is my plan??? I have no idea. I'm lost... Totally lost. So I just closed up my book and pacing slowly back to my hall. SLOWLY. Until everyone turn back with their weird facial expression staring at me. I look up into the dark sky. Almost full moon. I should feel relieve. but I wasn't.

Back to my room. I didn't take off my shoes and went straight to  my bed. Lying there without the sense of timing. I feel like crying. My senior called. I told him  my damn situation. And what he said was, walao how can you emo for such a long time??? You should have use that time for studying!!! Damn, again...

Another senior is nicer. He comforted me for the first time. (He complaint that I wear like a typical mainland student...  Oh pls, he's not wearing smart today also... zzz) Haix... Life sucks. What should I do? Change course??? Go back to Malaysia??? Or struggle here with no strong reasons???

What the hell... (I like to say this nowadays...) What kinda University this is...

Damn. Good night. =(