Once Upon A Time... I was a princess...

Once upon a time
There was once this kinda friend existed in my life...

When I was having lab at 5pm. I texted him to have dinner at 6pm. Then my phone loss its signal and my lab ended at 7:30pm. My mood was so terrible as I was so stressed up with my lab. So ended up going to his room and find him, expecting he'll scold me like hell for not replying and not informing to be late. But then when he saw me, he just said, wow you must have been stressed up for the lab. Lets go have something nice!
I smiled...

I was rushing my C++ programming assignment. I even skipped my lunch and finally get to hand in at 6pm. I was a zombie at that time when I met him at the walkway. He looked at me. And just said, lets go out and have something nice!
I smiled...

I was so emo in one late night. I texted him and complained. He just said, everything will be okay. Nothing more. 5 minutes later, the guy I liked called me. Even though he's having exam the next day. He comforted me and cheered me up with his lame jokes. Well, in fact I'll be very happy even if he didn't tell me any jokes. Because I get to listen to his voice and that's more than enough. Suddenly my this guy friend appeared in front of me, watching me talking happily with the guy I liked. Then he asked me to go find another friend together. After that, he asked me how was I, I said I'm totally fine. He said, that's why I ask the guy you like to call you. Because only he can cheer you up.
I stunned. And cried after he left...

We were hanging up with a gang of people. Someone I'm not close with. When we ordered foods, I realized I didn't bring enough money so I whispered to him. He passed me his whole wallet. During eating, I was very quiet because I felt awkward. He sensed it. And texted me so I can pretend that I'm busy.
I relieved...

I Skyped with parents. I was in a terrible mood about deciding my uni. I briefly tell him about this as I thought he won't care. He didn't reply my text. After 5 minutes, he appeared outside my room. And he just commanded, lets have a walk. But there was no private area in our hall so we went to another friend's room. The another friend started to talk crap happily so I kept my tears and start to joke around with him. Then he suddenly ask that friend to shut up and listen to me. He said, now tell me what's the problem.
I stunned. And cried. And my another friend was freaked out while passing me tissue papers...

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And many many more stories. Not only him who've done all these to me but also many many other good friends. They are always willing to sacrifice their own time for me. Maybe I was lucky. I met so many friends who are willing to pamper me as I was a Princess. And I was always in my Princess dream until this semester...

What invaded me was self-centered, phantoms, and again, self-centered. I don't mean everyone but ya, most of them. I tried to resist myself from becoming like this. Until one day, I realize I'm no longer patience enough to wait for the late comers; I can put aeroplane in the last minute just because I don't feel like going; I can ignored others message just because I wanna study; I can hurt others feeling simply without regretting. And only until that time I came to realize, I've become a MONSTER. A self-centered one. I've lost to the cruelty of NUS. And some people tell me that this is a process of becoming matured. Is it so?

Once I can accompany my friend walking around the town to seek for doctor; I can skipped my class to buy herbal tea for my friend who's sick; I always deliver medicine or even cook for them when they're sick; I can cook for them even if its 2am in midnight just because they complained they're hungry; I can run down to find a friend in midnight just because he or she is not in a good mood; I can sacrifice my whole night just to listen to some not-so-close friends' mumbling. But now, I don't. Whatever shit happens I'll just tell myself, nah its fine. They'll be fine. Just do your own work will do. What kinda monster I've turned into?

Frankly, I hate myself a lot. But I can't help until I realized I lose a lot of friends. I started to panicked, confused. What did I do wrongly? But they are just behaving in a same way like me. So what else I can do to resist this kinda environment? We all have our own studies, CCAs, private life, and different circles of friends. So maybe we'll think that what we need to do is put ourselves in a comfort zone and just do anything that's BENEFICIAL to us. Ya, to US.

So its this kinda environment where I am living and surviving in now. So inhuman isn't it?
But WHATEVER, I just need to tell myself again and again,
WELCOME to NUS. =)

And ya, I feel better...